From 2013 to today

Today I came across these photos from the first week of June 2013. I remember how happy I was to be in Haiti. I remember crying at the airport on the day of departure, not sure if I could force myself to leave, being one of the last to board the plane. I remember the sense of hope we all had that week, the belief we had that the days ahead would be good ones and that we could make a difference.

We had no idea that within a year, all that we thought we knew would change. That we would no longer be part of the organization where we thought we were rooted. That we would embark on a grand adventure. That God would call us into deep waters that often felt too dark and tumultuous to navigate.

During that precious week, we were not thinking about dark nights, unexpected betrayals, hard decisions, and sad goodbyes. No. We believed the possibilities were endless. And I personally thought love was enough. I was so naive.

I now know that life is not as simple as I once believed it to be. I now know that love often requires more than I feel I can give. I now know that sometimes silence is the only way to hold one’s dignity. I now know that no matter how hard a day might be, tomorrow will come. I now know to do my best with the knowledge I have at a given time and pray that grace covers the rest. I now know there are so many things I thought that I deserved that don’t even matter when laid on the altar.

And I now know - without any doubt in my mind - that I am rooted and grounded to a place that has completely broken my heart and yet perfectly healed my soul.

And so tonight I am listening to this song on repeat, grateful to the Father for allowing me to learn and grow beyond the girl I used to be.

“Dear Me
This is a letter to the girl I used to be
You’ll see, you’re gonna take the long way
And there is nothing you could do or say to separate you
From the love of God who made you just exactly as He meant to
And you cannot imagine all the places you’ll see Jesus
But you’ll find Him everywhere you thought He wasn’t supposed to go.”

— Nichole Nordeman

It’s not as easy as it looks

Recently my daughter-in-law, Hannah, snapped a few photos of me and Steeve as we were having coffee at Zola, a local coffee shop.

I love all the photos friends have taken of me and Steeve through the years - often when we had no idea a photo was being taken - because there are so many good memories associated with those photos.

However, despite all the smiles and the laughs and good times, I think it’s important to note:

Cross cultural ministry, cross cultural partnership . . .these are not as easy as it might sometimes look on social media.

Through the years Steeve and I have had to work hard to build trust and maintain our friendship which is the basis of our work relationship.

Particularly in the early years, there were a lot of tears from me and a lot of crossed arms and “the face” from Steeve.

I remember a few years ago during an exceptionally difficult time, I decided: “I’m going to believe the best about Steeve even when I am tempted to think the worst.” That was a huge turning point for me. I was making a conscious choice about where my thoughts would go in the midst of conflict.

I asked Steeve to tell me why he thinks we work together so well despite all of our differences. Here’s what he said:

Yes, sometimes we both cry, we feel frustrated or depressed, and we want to give up.

Sometimes we think we get it, but we really don’t. Sometimes we think that we understand each other very well, but later we realize we didn’t understand each other at all.

Sometimes we have good intentions, but that doesn’t change the fact that we feel deeply hurt.

You (Becky) are more open to express your feelings when you’re hurt, but I am more quiet and hurt inside.

Sometimes we hurt each other by one word (Creole or English) when words just don’t have the same meaning in our different cultures.

Sometimes we get mad to each other for weeks and sometimes all we need to reconcile is a coffee, and that is funny because one of the first fights we had after starting Haiti Awake was about coffee.

Sometimes we get upset because of coffee, but sometimes coffee help us reconcile. Now we have at Haiti Awake have a joke about “reconciliation coffee,” but no one really understands that joke but me and you.

Above all, without any doubt, we love each other and want to walk by each other’s side. And that’s why we keep walking together.

But it seems our friendship doesn’t make any sense when we try to explain it to others.

I agree. It’s hard to explains something to others that we ourselves don’t really understand, but we know that it’s true. We were meant to work together, we both love Haiti, and we are truly friends.