People over projects

Wallace Stegner describes their friendship as “a relationship that has no formal shape, there are no rules or obligations or bonds as in marriage or the family, it is held together by neither law nor property nor blood, there is no glue in it but mutual liking. It is therefore rare.”

“Holy places are dark places. It is life and strength, not knowledge and words, that we get in them. Holy wisdom is not clear and thin like water, but thick and dark like blood.” C.S. Lewis

“The Bible almost promises a loss of comfort to those who follow a kingdom path, but this is a great time to shake our heads and ask: Is that really what we wanted, anyhow? Did we want to get to the end and say, ‘Well, at least I was comfortable?’ I feel like we know enough about one another at this point to know the answer is no. At the very core of who we are, because we’re made in the image of Christ, we want what He wants. We want our lives wrung out for the glory of God. We want to make an impact. We want more people to know Him. We want to know more of Him.” Jess Connolly

“Why be saddled with this thing called life expectancy? Of what relevance to an individual is such a statistic?

Am I to concern myself with an allotment of days I never had and was never promised? Must I check off each day of my life as if I am subtracting from this imaginary hoard?

No, on the contrary, I will add each day of my life to my treasure of days lived. And with each day, my treasure will grow, not diminish.”

Robert Brault

“My wish for you is that you continue. Continue to be who and how you are, to astonish a mean world with your acts of kindness. Continue to allow humor to lighten the burden of your tender heart.” Maya Angelou

“One life on this earth is all we get, whether it is enough or not enough, and the obvious conclusion would seem to be at the very least we are fools if we do not live it as fully and bravely and beautifully as we can.” Frederick Buechner

“Those that lack friends to open themselves unto are cannibals of their own hearts. But one thing is most admirable…which is, that this communicating of a man’s self to his friend works two contrary effects; for it redoubleth joys, and cutteth griefs in halves. For there is no man that imparteth his joys to his friend, but he joyeth the more; and no man that imparteth his griefs to his friend, but he grieveth the less.” Francis Bacon

“May we learn to be less afraid of the shadows. And may we realize that just because they are a part of the picture, that doesn’t mean that’s all there is.” Harper Nichols

“Occasionally weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have.” John Piper

From 2013 to today

Today I came across these photos from the first week of June 2013. I remember how happy I was to be in Haiti. I remember crying at the airport on the day of departure, not sure if I could force myself to leave, being one of the last to board the plane. I remember the sense of hope we all had that week, the belief we had that the days ahead would be good ones and that we could make a difference.

We had no idea that within a year, all that we thought we knew would change. That we would no longer be part of the organization where we thought we were rooted. That we would embark on a grand adventure. That God would call us into deep waters that often felt too dark and tumultuous to navigate.

During that precious week, we were not thinking about dark nights, unexpected betrayals, hard decisions, and sad goodbyes. No. We believed the possibilities were endless. And I personally thought love was enough. I was so naive.

I now know that life is not as simple as I once believed it to be. I now know that love often requires more than I feel I can give. I now know that sometimes silence is the only way to hold one’s dignity. I now know that no matter how hard a day might be, tomorrow will come. I now know to do my best with the knowledge I have at a given time and pray that grace covers the rest. I now know there are so many things I thought that I deserved that don’t even matter when laid on the altar.

And I now know - without any doubt in my mind - that I am rooted and grounded to a place that has completely broken my heart and yet perfectly healed my soul.

And so tonight I am listening to this song on repeat, grateful to the Father for allowing me to learn and grow beyond the girl I used to be.

“Dear Me
This is a letter to the girl I used to be
You’ll see, you’re gonna take the long way
And there is nothing you could do or say to separate you
From the love of God who made you just exactly as He meant to
And you cannot imagine all the places you’ll see Jesus
But you’ll find Him everywhere you thought He wasn’t supposed to go.”

— Nichole Nordeman

It’s not as easy as it looks

Recently my daughter-in-law, Hannah, snapped a few photos of me and Steeve as we were having coffee at Zola, a local coffee shop.

I love all the photos friends have taken of me and Steeve through the years - often when we had no idea a photo was being taken - because there are so many good memories associated with those photos.

However, despite all the smiles and the laughs and good times, I think it’s important to note:

Cross cultural ministry, cross cultural partnership . . .these are not as easy as it might sometimes look on social media.

Through the years Steeve and I have had to work hard to build trust and maintain our friendship which is the basis of our work relationship.

Particularly in the early years, there were a lot of tears from me and a lot of crossed arms and “the face” from Steeve.

I remember a few years ago during an exceptionally difficult time, I decided: “I’m going to believe the best about Steeve even when I am tempted to think the worst.” That was a huge turning point for me. I was making a conscious choice about where my thoughts would go in the midst of conflict.

I asked Steeve to tell me why he thinks we work together so well despite all of our differences. Here’s what he said:

Yes, sometimes we both cry, we feel frustrated or depressed, and we want to give up.

Sometimes we think we get it, but we really don’t. Sometimes we think that we understand each other very well, but later we realize we didn’t understand each other at all.

Sometimes we have good intentions, but that doesn’t change the fact that we feel deeply hurt.

You (Becky) are more open to express your feelings when you’re hurt, but I am more quiet and hurt inside.

Sometimes we hurt each other by one word (Creole or English) when words just don’t have the same meaning in our different cultures.

Sometimes we get mad to each other for weeks and sometimes all we need to reconcile is a coffee, and that is funny because one of the first fights we had after starting Haiti Awake was about coffee.

Sometimes we get upset because of coffee, but sometimes coffee help us reconcile. Now we have at Haiti Awake have a joke about “reconciliation coffee,” but no one really understands that joke but me and you.

Above all, without any doubt, we love each other and want to walk by each other’s side. And that’s why we keep walking together.

But it seems our friendship doesn’t make any sense when we try to explain it to others.

I agree. It’s hard to explains something to others that we ourselves don’t really understand, but we know that it’s true. We were meant to work together, we both love Haiti, and we are truly friends.