This is actually happening

My appointment at the Duke Cancer Center yesterday went as well as I could have possibly expected. I walked away with a firm plan, as well as confidence in the surgeon who will operate on me May 2.

I consented to a much larger surgery than originally anticipated, but the surgeon’s reasoning lines up with my goals for the future. I am at peace with the following:

• Exploratory laparotomy

• Total abdominal hysterectomy

• Left-salpingo-oophorectomy

• Debulking (removal of visible tumors)

• Abdominal wall resection

• Possible bowel resection

• Possible ostomy

Actual surgery time will be set the day before the procedure. Expected hospitalization ranges from two days to one week.

At this point my medical team and I are in agreement that I will not have chemotherapy after the procedure, but if biopsies of different tumors reveal anything other than GCT, there is still the possibility that chemo could be warranted.

So, yes, there are still many questions about the future, but I do feel that I have finally found a firm plan with the expertise needed for my unusual situation.

A quick update

1. I had more bloodwork today - a new test. It’s a good thing I have good veins. I’m giving blood frequently these days.

2. The conversation with Dr. J in Australia was encouraging and productive. Because of that phone call, it is the current “new plan” to forego chemotherapy because there's no real evidence it actually has any measurable benefit in preventing recurrence of GCT.

3. I’ll have a mammogram, ultrasound, and biopsy tomorrow.

4. I have canceled surgery for April 14 here in Wilmington because…

5. I have an appointment at Duke on Monday, and I hope to schedule surgery at Duke in the near future.

6. All of this just moves me one step closer to resolution and a firm new plan.

So, what’s the plan?

March 30, 2023

I thought we had a plan. And we did. But now we don’t.

When paired with new information from the PET scan, the plan we had in place looked less and less like a good plan and looked more and more like an outdated one. As I have been reading clinical research articles and talking with other GCT patients and seeking advice from medical professionals, it has become clear that I should not have surgery on April 14. The idea of chemotherapy is also being called into question.

Sunday evening, 9 p.m., I’ll be talking with a doctor in Melbourne, Australia. I’ve received a referral to Duke. I’ve also got an appointment with MD Anderson in Houston in May (if I choose to wait that long).

All the questions - again. None of the answers.

Thankful for time away here in Texas to put my mind to other matters, and trusting that God’s perfect plan for me will become clear as I continue to listen and discern.

I will trust, as Job did, that my God knows where I am going, that His plan for me will not change, and that He controls my destiny. (Job 23)

When my heart is overwhelmed

I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed.

Lead me to the towering rock of safety.   Psalm 61:2

As I shared things with people via text yesterday, many asked, “How are you?”  and  I replied:  “Overwhelmed” more than once. 

This morning, the Lord brought the phrase “Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.”

I searched out the verse and in Psalm 61 (NLT) the word “overwhelmed” is used.   Over and over I am seeing glimpses of God in my days and interactions.  He will lead me to the place of safety.

This morning I am claiming David’s words as my own:  “I will not die; instead, I will live to tell what the LORD has done.”  Psalm 118:17

I am ready to fight.

Dr. Robinson called

March 8

We had just finished worship to open RMN this morning, and Dr. Robinson called. So I left the meeting and took his call out in the hallway.

The tumor committee met. They’re recommending surgery . . . and chemo.

I knew they would recommend chemo, didn’t I? Then why was it so hard hearing those words? They took my breath away. I think my voice broke as I responded. I can’t even remember what I said, but I heard the empathy in Dr. Robinson’s voice. And it unnerved me.

Then I walked back into the meeting, carrying my secret, hidden inside of me, wanting desperately to tell someone but not knowing how.