Surrender, but don’t succumb
You are directed toward the glory of God in the highs and lows.
Mark Kelsey
On Friday, Dr. Rossi called to let me know she wants me to come back in August instead of waiting until November, and she wants me to get a PET scan soon - just to see if it will show what the CT scan has not. Where are those cancer cells hiding? Is there anything visible yet that we can find?
Saturday morning I left for New York City. Since going there solo in November, a weekend alone in Manhattan is becoming “a thing,” and each of these solo weekends has included attendance at Fount Church on 44th Street in the Palladium Theater. I went the first time because I was intrigued by the idea of a church meeting right off Times Square, but I have gone back twice because I found the worship to be genuine and the messages impactful.
Yesterday was another Ebenezer stone to remind me that on this journey, I have never walked alone, and I never will.
Pastor Mark Kelsey was visiting from Australia and brought the message - “Why Jesus.” About 13 minutes into the sermon, Pastor Mark began sharing the personal story of his family, the story of his wife Bernie’s diagnosis with ovarian cancer last fall. As he shared their story, I knew that I was there to hear it.
“When you surrender God actually prepares and gives you all you need to take the next steps for what God has for you. God wants to ready you for the challenges ahead. ”
After church we were all able to talk for a little while, and we prayed together. It was a sweet time. As we parted ways, I realized I had introduced myself, hoping I could encourage Bernie, but instead it seems I am the one who received the blessing.
Toward the end of the sermon, Pastor Kelsey referenced A Non-Anxious Presence by Mark Sayers.
“As we walk through life’s ups and downs... surrendering to the Father’s will . . . we become a non-anxious presence in the world.”
Yes and amen. These phrases -“a non-anxious presence” and “surrender but do not succumb” - are ones I’ll remember in the days ahead.
Bernie and I after church at Fount NYC. I’ve committed to praying for her healing in the days ahead. Will you join me?
The May 16, 2025 appointments
You can’t operate on what you can’t see.
May 16. 3 pm.
Though my appointments at the Duke Center for Women’s Cancer Care Raleigh were in the early afternoon, I headed to Raleigh early Friday morning with Rick. He had work to do in Raleigh, so it made sense for us to ride up together.
That gave me time to meet a friend for breakfast, take a walk at Lake Johnson Park, and go to the State Farmer’s Market before heading to my CT scan and labs.
The check-in process once I arrived was a bit of comedic error as the young lady at the front desk insisted I wear a “Fall Risk” wristband (I just hiked to the summit of four mountains earlier in the week with Rick. I think I’m okay) and 30 minutes later when I hadn’t been called back for my appointment, it was discovered she had never actually checked me in!
My scan and labs were done simultaneously and were quick and easy. In fact, my scan results were back before I even saw Dr. Rossi. She came in, excited to tell me the good news, but I had to admit I’d already seen MyChart.
Based on this scan and the last one three months that read the same (and despite the elevated Inhibin B levels from my last labs), Dr. Rossi decided to move me to 6-month visits with 6-month CT scans, a slight, but significant, change to my protocol. I’m thankful for more “time to breathe” between appointments.
When I asked Dr. Rossi why she was comfortable with this, she said that despite the elevated Inhibin B levels, we can’t operate on what we can’t see. I am comfortable with that, too.
So I said goodbye to Duke for what I hope will be the next six months (provided the inhibin levels haven’t jumped a crazy amount) and headed here to Lucky Tree to plan the next six months of life (something I had sort of been holding back on, pending the results of the CT scan.)
I won’t share this post publicly until I get the blood work back - in about a week - just in case there’s something substantial there. But, in this moment, I am feeling really good about what’s ahead.
Since I first started seeking answers in 2017, I’ve never had six months between physicians’ visits. I’m thankful for a good visit and looking forward to having six months before I have to really think about this again.
May 22. 7:30 pm
I got my Inhibin A and B back. B is trending up again. A is out of range for the first time since surgery two years ago.
I suspect Dr. Rossi isn’t going to change anything she told me last week, but I’ll have to wait and see. I have noticed some significant physical changes this week that remind me of the symptoms I had in 2019 and 2023, but again, we can’t operate on what we can’t see. So, I guess we’re now in a waiting game.
My current plan is to enjoy the summer ahead to the fullest, just like I did after surgery in May of 2023.
May 30 update
Dr. Rossi just called me herself to let me know I need to come back in August, and I need to get a PET in the next couple of weeks.
It’s my anniversary!
This journey began on May 2, 2019, when I had my first surgery here in Wilmington. Last year on this same date, I had my second surgery - the big surgery - at Duke University Hospital. Two life-changing surgeries. One date - 4 years apart.
How thankful I am for the excellent care I have received through the years and the kind support of family and friends through it all.
Today I am reflecting on the goodness of God, and I'll be listening to this "Just as Good" (Chris Renzema) on repeat.
And I will build an altar
And stack it stone by stone
'Cause every Ebenezer says I've never been alone
My faith will surely falter
But that don't change what You've done
'Cause every Ebenezer points to where my help comes from.