Today’s Update 8/5

Yesterday was a rough day on many levels, but I still managed to spend some sweet time with friends.

Last night we were unable to control my pain, even with the use of additional morphine. Palliative care was able to work me in for an emergency appointment today, and I pray they’ll have answers that will allow me to function in a more normal fashion in the days ahead.

To those I had plans with today, I pray that you understand my need to reschedule.

In good news, I had labs at Zimmer yesterday, and my liver function continues to remain stable.

Thank you for your continued prayers. Christ be magnified.

Today’s update 8/4

Yesterday was my last radiation treatment, and I had a video visit with Dr. Robinson. I will go to Zimmer for labs today.

Dr. Robinson and I agreed to a “treatment break” to reassess where I am and where we’re going. We are holding off on hospice, continuing with palliative care for the time being. Hospice limits my choices going forward, and I do not want to be unnecessarily limited before I have to be.

I am feeling remarkably better overall, though my periods of energy are incredibly unpredictable. I can feel “just fine” one moment, then feel like I can’t open my eyes the next.

I’m concentrating on eating what I can when I can, and I am hopeful that plans that I have for the next two weeks will become reality.

I'm in the hospital

Due to uncontrolled nausea, I came to the Emergency Department early this morning.

My doctors have made the decision to admit me.

I'll update more when I can.

I’m going to continue to live

Good morning, Everyone.

It's now been a few days since I went to the ER and finally had to admit the pain I was experiencing was more than I could push through and that over-the-counter medications were no longer enough. The CT scan performed that morning confirmed what my body had already been telling me: the disease is progressing.

In many ways, this was a turning point.

For the first time, I had to acknowledge that this season has changed. I have always avoided prescription pain medication whenever possible, but I also realized something important. Pain management isn't simply about reducing suffering. It's about protecting the things that matter—the things that make me who I am for as long as I am able. Walking Wrightsville Beach in the morning. Heading to Florida over the weekend to work with some of my favorite people at Concilium. Spending time with people I love here in Wilmington. Enjoying the gifts God continues to place in front of me each day.

That realization has been freeing.

Over the last few days, I've been asking the Lord one simple question: "Father, what does faithfulness look like with the time I have?"

I don't know how many days lie ahead. None of us really do. But I know this: today is a gift.

So I'm going to keep writing. I'm preparing my first devotional, Fear Is Not My Future, for publication. I'm continuing work on the second book in the series. I'm making plans for August, September and even Christmas because I would rather prepare with hope than wait with fear. I'll continue to travel as I am able. I'll keep showing up at Wrightsville Beach each morning for as long as my body allows.

I'm going to continue to live.

On the home page of my website are these words: "I do not know what the days ahead will bring, but I am determined to live them with as much grace and enthusiasm as possible."

I needed those words when I wrote them in 2023. I need them even more today.

They remind me of the heart posture I chose when my first recurrence was diagnosed, and they continue to call me back to that same place of trust. I'm also understanding more fully, day by day, that faithfulness is not measured by how long we live. It is measured by how we receive and steward whatever the Lord places in our hands while we have time.

That is what I want to do. I want to steward my life well.

Thank you for praying for me. Thank you for encouraging me. Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts with you.

I continue to believe what I have believed from the beginning.

Fear is not my future.

Christ is.

Just when we think we have plans in place . . .

Plans are made. Plans change. In Proverbs 16:9, the Bible says:

“We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps.”

The truth of that in regard to my health care became apparent this week when both my blood work and my CT scan showed continued progression of disease despite four rounds of chemotherapy. I met with Dr. Robinson and his PA yesterday, and it was decided that there is no valid reason to proceed with chemotherapy as it is not having the desired palliative effect.

What’s next? We are not yet certain. A number of options have been discussed. I will have a telehealth visit with Dr. Rossi on Monday and another appointment with Dr. Robinson on Thursday, June 25. I hope to have a plan in place by this time next week.

I recently did a genetic profile with the Target Cancer Foundation’s TRACK study, and we will likely choose one of the options they recommended. Dr. Robinson is willing to try an option that he has not used for GCT before. I appreciate both his compassion and willingness to think outside the box.

I love this quote, and I want it to define how I live in the days ahead:

“The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.”

— Jack London

Thank you to all of you who continue to pray and reach out to me. I know the prayers of the saints are what sustain me day by day and give me this deep peace that even I don’t comprehend.

MRI, Cold Capping, and Chemo

The results of the MRI of my head yielded normal results. 🙌

My hair, though thinner and wilder, is still holding on. 🙌

I feel much better than I did last week. 🙌

We're on track for Round 4 on June 8. 🙌

Chemo. Round 2. Week 2.

Side effects have been minimal this time around, and I was able to spend this week ministering out of state.

I'm so thankful.

Chemo. Round 1. Day 6.

Highs

• Running at the beach this morning

• A sweet “chemo care kit” from Wallaby Windows of Coastal Carolina which just did our window installation in the living room

• Having the coconut kefir that I “like” (Does anyone actually like kefir?)

• Ginger candies from Rachel and lunch with her at Drift

Lows

Persistent low-grade nausea (and yes, I could take Zofran or another one of the three anti-nausea meds that were prescribed, but I would prefer to avoid them as they have their own side effects)

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